Editing The Wickedictionary (section)

==L==
'''Language:''' ''n.'' 1. a tool for concealing the truth.<ref>George Carlin. But he probably ripped it from Charles-Maurice Talleyrand who said "Speech was given to man to conceal his thoughts."</ref>

'''Language:''' ''n.'' 2. that which man invented to satisfy his deep need to complain.<ref>Lily Tomlin</ref>

'''Language:''' ''n.'' 3. a virus from outer space.<ref>William S. Burroughs</ref>

'''Laptop computer:''' ''n.'' a device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

'''Last orders:''' ''n.'' a daily 15 minute period generally used as a rehearsal for the end of the world.

'''Law:''' ''n.'' is that which in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.<ref>Anatole France, ''The Red Lily'' Ch. 7, (1894)</ref>

'''Lawyer:''' ''n.'' 1. is one who protects us against robbers by taking away the temptation.<ref>H. L. Mencken, ''A Mencken Chrestomathy'' (1949)</ref>

'''Lawyer:''' ''n.'' 2.  personal advocate hired to bend the law on behalf of a paying client; for this reason considered the most suitable background for entry into politics.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Lawyer:''' ''n.'' 3. one skilled in circumvention of the law.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Lawyer:''' ''n.'' 4. an advocate of the highest bidder, in contradistinction to an advocate of ethics.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Lawyer:''' ''n.'' 5. a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself.<ref>Henry Brougham</ref>

'''Lecher:''' ''n.'' a stud with liver spots.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Leftist:''' ''n.'' a liberal who bites.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Legal:''' ''n.''  is what formerly meant lawful; now it means loophole<ref>Adapted from Leo Kessler</ref>

'''Legend:''' ''n.'' a lie that has attained the dignity of age.<ref>H. L. Mencken</ref> 

'''Lesbian:''' ''n.'' a quaint euphemism for a woman who resists the intrusion of a man into her private affairs but concurs with his taste in sex partners.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Lesbianism:''' ''n.'' a double jeopardy relationship where both parties argue under the influence of PMS.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2009</ref>

'''Liar:''' ''n.'' a lawyer on a high commission.<ref>Adapted from, Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Liberal:''' ''n.'' one who tolerates all beliefs and opinions except those with which he disagrees.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Liberty:''' ''n.'' the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.<ref>George Orwell</ref>

'''Lie:''' ''n.'' 1. an epistemological problem.<ref>From the TV show, ''Yes Minister''.</ref>

'''Lie:''' ''n.'' 2. economy of truth. 

'''Life:'''  ''n.'' 1. is a sexually transmitted disease and invariably fatal. <ref> Adapted from, Neil Gaiman, ''Death Talks About Life.''</ref>

'''Life:''' ''n.'' 2. is what kills you in the end.<ref>Adapted from, "Life is hard. After all, it kills you." Katharine Hepburn</ref>

'''Life:''' ''n.'' 3. is the art of drawing without an eraser.<ref>John W. Gardner</ref> 

'''Life:''' ''n.'' 4. a sequence of events one is not prepared for.<ref>Anon</ref>

'''Life:''' ''n.'' 5. is a series of collisions with the future.<ref>Jose Ortega y Gasset</ref>

'''Life:''' ''n.'' 6. is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.<ref>H. L. Mencken</ref>

'''Life:''' ''n.'' 7. the interval between birth and death.

'''Life:''' ''n.'' 8. one long postponement.<ref>Henry Miller</ref>

'''Life:''' ''n.'' 9. a funny thing that occurred on the way to the grave.<ref>Quentin Crisp</ref>

'''Life insurance:''' ''n.'' a contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich.

'''Literature:''' ''n.'' an insider's newsletter about affairs relating to molecules, of no importance to anything in the Universe but a few molecules who have the disease called 'thought'.<ref> Kurt Vonnegut, Bluebeard (1987)</ref>

'''Litigation:''' ''n.'' 1. a machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>.

'''Litigation:''' ''n.'' 2. that which filters out bad management, just like evolution filters out bad genes.<ref>Chelsea Liu</ref>

'''Logic:''' ''n.'' 1. the art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Logic:''' ''n.'' 2. is the art of going wrong with confidence.<ref>Joseph Wood Krutch</ref>

'''Loser:''' ''n.'' 1. a highly successfully person who impeccably lives up to measures not sanctioned by the majority.<ref>Derek Abbott, Definition created for ''Wickedictionary,'' (24 December 2009)</ref>

'''Loser:''' ''n.'' 2. anyone too incompetent to master the ways of the world, or too proud.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Lost:''' ''n.'' in the US, an interminable TV series proving an exception to the rule that one should never read a spoiler.<ref>Derek Abbott, Definition created for ''Wickedictionary,'' 2010</ref>

'''Love:''' 1. ''n.'' is the delusion that one woman differs from another.<ref>H. L. Mencken, attributed.</ref>

'''Love:''' 2. ''n.'' is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.<ref>H. L. Mencken, attributed.</ref>

'''Love:''' 3. ''n.'' is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Love:''' 4. ''n.'' is staying up all night with a sick child, or a healthy adult. 

'''Love:''' 5. ''n.'' an endorphin-induced hallucinatory state designed by mother Nature to trick us into procreation.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Love:''' 6. ''n.'' is that which conquers all things except poverty and toothache.<ref>Adapted from Mae West</ref>

'''Love:''' 7. ''n.'' a state of perceptual anesthesia—to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.<ref>H. L. Mencken</ref>

'''Love:''' 8. ''n.'' the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
<ref>John Barrymore</ref>

'''Love:''' 9. ''n.''  is only the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.<ref>W. Somerset Maugham</ref> 

'''Loyalty scheme:''' ''n.'' a corporate device for limiting customer choice.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Luck:''' ''n.''  the explanation for success of those we don't like.<ref>Adapted from Jean Cocteau</ref>