Editing The Wickedictionary (section)

==N==
'''Nail polish:''' ''n.'' part of an assortment of make-up items such as lipstick, eyeliner, blush etc. which ironically makes a woman look better whilst making her young daughter look like a 'tramp'.

'''Narcissist:''' ''n.'' 1. one having the big advantage that he won't encounter many rivals for his inflated self-love.

'''Narcissist:''' ''n.'' 2. someone better looking than you are.<ref>Gore Vidal</ref>

'''Nation:''' ''n.''  a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors. <ref>William Ralph Inge</ref> 

'''National debt:''' ''n.'' a strategic investment in a country's future.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2011</ref>

'''Nationalism:''' ''n.'' the habit of assuming that human beings can be classified like insects and that whole blocks of millions or tens of millions of people can be confidently labelled "good" or "bad." <ref>George Orwell</ref>

'''Natural disaster:''' ''n.'' like wars and other national emergencies, natural disasters are a Godsend to any government for diverting attention from its failed domestic policies. Also an opportunistic device for implementing new policies that would otherwise never see the light of day.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref> 

'''Necessity:''' ''n.''  almost any luxury you see in the house of a neighbour.

'''Neighbour:''' ''n.'' one whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Nepotism:''' ''n.'' a sincere belief that charity begins at home.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Nerd:''' ''n.'' a person who uses the telephone to talk to other people about telephones. <ref>Douglas Adams</ref>

'''Nerds:''' ''n. pl.'' a race of socially inept, fashion-challenged technophiles that are venerated as it is they that inheriteth the Earth.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Neurotic:''' ''n.'' someone who worries about things that didn't happen in the past instead of worrying about something that won't happen in the future, like normal people.

'''Neurotics:''' ''n. pl.'' neurotics are a rabble, good only to support us financially and to allow us to learn from their cases.<ref>Sigmund Freud</ref>

'''Newspaper:''' ''n.'' a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.<ref>H. L. Mencken, ''A Mencken Chrestomathy'' (1949)</ref>

'''No:''' ''n.'' it is recommended that we set up an interdepartmental committee with fairly broad terms of reference so that at the end of the day we would be in a position to think through all the implications and take a decision based on long-term considerations rather than rush prematurely into precipitate and possibly ill-conceived action that might well have unforeseen circumstances.<ref>From TV show, ''Yes Minister''</ref>

'''Nominee:''' ''n.'' a modest person shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the dishonorable obscurity of public office.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Normal:''' ''n.'' is the average of deviance.<ref>Rita Mae Brown, ''Venus Envy'' (1993)</ref>

'''Nostalgia:''' ''n.'' fond thoughts of imaginary times gone past.<ref>Leonard Rossiter</ref>

'''Nothing:''' ''n.'' is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.<ref>Will Durant</ref>

'''Notoriety:''' ''n.'' the fame of one's competitor.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Novel:''' ''n.'' a well-padded short story.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Nuclear power station:''' ''n.'' an economical way of creating a nuclear weapons infrastructure, at the expense of uneconomical electricity for the masses.<ref>Derek Abbott.</ref>  

'''Nuclear war:''' ''n.'' that in which all men are cremated equal.<ref>Dexter Gordon</ref>

'''Nuclear weapon:''' ''n.'' 1. a means of bringing about ultimate peace—the cherished peace of silence that total annihilation thankfully brings.<ref>Derek Abbott</ref>

'''Nuclear weapon:''' ''n.'' 2. an agency reserved for use by the most civilized nations for the settlement of disputes that might become troublesome if left unadjusted. Unfortunately, too many formerly uncivilized nations are becoming civilized.<ref>Leonard Rossiter</ref>

'''Nymphomaniac:''' ''n.'' 1. a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.<ref>Mignon McLaughlin</ref>

'''Nymphomaniac:''' ''n.'' 2. the focus of every man's earnest daily prayer request, which when granted changes the prayer to a good night's sleep.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>