Editing The Wickedictionary (section)

==R==
'''Radical:''' ''n.'' a man with both feet planted firmly in the air. <ref>Franklin Delano Roosevelt</ref>

'''Random choice:''' ''n.'' an improvement on management decisions.<ref>Adapted from Scott Adams</ref>

'''Randomness:''' ''n.'' a hidden order, where the key to its decypherment is lost or unknown.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Randomness:''' ''n.'' (''mathematical term'') the most ordered way to avoid redundancy.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2009</ref>

'''Reality:''' ''n.'' 1. is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. <ref>Philip K. Dick, ''How To Build A Universe That Doesn't Fall Apart Two Days Later'' (1978)</ref>

'''Reality:''' ''n.'' 2. is an illusion caused by the lack of drugs.

'''Reality:''' ''n.'' 3. that which very few people have the imagination for.<ref>Adapted from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe</ref>

'''Reason:''' ''n.'' pretext.<ref>From the TV show, ''Yes Minister''</ref>

'''Reconsider:''' ''v.'' to seek justification for a decision already made. <ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Refuse:''' ''v.'' to refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.<ref>Peter Ustinov</ref>

'''Relationship:''' ''n.'' is that which is easiest with ten thousand people, the hardest is with one.<ref>Adapted from Joan Baez</ref>

'''Relative:''' ''n.''  a grotesque caricature of oneself.<ref>Adapted from H. L. Mencken</ref>

'''Religion:''' ''n.'' 1. is the sincere belief that a supreme being has the slightest bit of interest in supremely anthropocentric rituals.<ref>Contributed specially for ''The Wickedictionary'' by James Chappell, 2009</ref>

'''Religion:''' ''n.'' 2. is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.<ref>Napoleon Bonaparte</ref>

'''Religion:''' ''n.'' 3. a spiritual straight-jacket.<ref>Contributed specially for ''The Wickedictionary'' by Anonymous, 2010</ref>

'''Remarriage:''' ''n.'' the triumph of hope over experience.

'''Remorse:''' ''n.'' regret that one waited so long to do it.<ref>H. L. Mencken, ''A Mencken Chrestomathy'' (1949)</ref>

'''Republican:''' ''n.'' 1. in the US, a creature that remains after all humanity is removed from a politician.<ref>Contributed specially for ''The Wickedictionary'' by Ron Berti, 2009</ref>

'''Republican:''' ''n.'' 2. in the US, the party that says government doesn't work, and then they get elected and prove it.<ref>P. J. O'Rourke</ref>

'''Research:''' ''n.'' if you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research. <ref>Wilson Mizner</ref>

'''Resolute:''' ''adj.'' obstinate in an approved manner.<ref>Adapted from Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Retainer:''' ''n.'' a bribe below $100,000, as opposed to an 'ex-gratia payment' that is a bribe between $100,000 and $500,000 or an 'advance against profit sharing' that is a bribe over $500,000.<ref>Adapted from TV show, ''Yes Minster''</ref>

'''Reproduction:''' ''n.'' the division of amoebas, the pollination of plants, the rutting of wildebeest, and the drunken frenzied Friday nights of humans.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Revelry:''' ''n.'' the sound of people pretending to have a good time.

'''Revolution:''' ''n.'' that which evaporates and leaves behind the slime of a new bureaucracy.<ref>Adapted from Franz Kafka</ref>

'''Rich:''' ''n.'' becoming rich is the best way to finding missing relatives.

'''Rite:''' ''n.'' a religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Robber:''' ''n.'' one whose careful planning and execution of a heist is much more demanding and pays much less than dropping his ethical standards by being gainfully employed as a lawyer.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Romance:''' ''n.'' is that which begins with a prince kissing an angel, and ends with a bald headed man yawning at a fat woman.<ref>Evan Esar</ref>