Editing The Wickedictionary (section)

==F==
'''Facebook:''' ''n.'' a social networking website that brings people spread over a large metropolis all the advantages of a close knit community, including lack of privacy. <ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Fact:''' ''n.'' 1. a folly committed by enough of the right people to confer on it the badge of status.<ref>Adapted from Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Fact:''' ''n.'' 2. information gathered with great accuracy, only to be distorted later.

'''Factionalism:''' ''n.'' the abiding human need to create group conflicts based on religion, politics, race, gender, class or whether toilet paper should be pulled over or under the roll.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Faith:''' ''n.'' 1. an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.<ref>H. L. Mencken, ''Prejudices'' (1922)</ref>

'''Faith:''' ''n.'' 2. is an oasis in the heart which will never be reached by the caravan of thinking.<ref>Kahlil Gibran</ref> 

'''Faith:''' ''n.'' 3. is our normal mode of operation, until we punctuate it with odd moments of reason.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2009</ref>

'''Faith:''' ''n.'' 4. is not wanting to know what is true.<ref>Friedrich Nietzsche</ref>

'''Fascism:''' ''n.'' nationalism with obsessive-compulsive tendencies.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Fashion:''' ''n.'' 1. a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. <ref>Oscar Wilde</ref>

'''Fashion:''' ''n.'' 2. a means of expressing one's individuality by wearing and doing exactly the same things as others.<ref>Neil Jones quoted in the ''Chambers Gigglossary''</ref>

'''Fashion:''' ''n.'' 3. that which is unwearable until everyone else is wearing it, by which time it is unfashionable.<ref>Leonard Rossiter</ref>

'''Fashion:''' ''n.'' 4. a clothing epidemic.

'''Fatherhood:''' ''n.'' is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.<ref>Bill Cosby</ref> 

'''Federal budget:''' ''n.'' in the U.S., a miraculous machine that continually cranks out more money than it takes in; unfortunately not yet licensed for use in the home.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Felon:''' ''n.'' a person of greater enterprise than discretion, which in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Female:''' ''n.'' in biology, the thing that is more likely to bite you.<ref>Adapted from Desmond Morris</ref>

'''Feminism:''' ''n.'' 1. is complaining about the male representation of God, whilst overlooking the male representation of the devil.  This selectivity extends to altering moot words such as 'chairman' and 'mankind', whilst rather cunningly retaining 'henchman' and 'manslaughter'.<ref>Derek Abbott</ref>   

'''Feminism:''' ''n.'' 2. a movement created to allow ugly women access to the mainstream of society.<ref>Rush Limbaugh</ref>

'''Feminism:''' ''n.'' 3. a militant over-reaction to a historically male narrative.<ref>Contributed specially for ''The Wickedictionary'' by Karen Rossiter, 2009</ref>

'''Feminist:''' ''n.'' a woman who intends to fulfill her destiny by aping the worst traits of her oppressors.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref> 

'''Fiction:''' ''n.'' as opposed to truth, fiction that which has to make sense.<ref>Adapted from Eric Singer</ref>

'''Fidelity:''' ''n.'' failure to share.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Finance:''' ''n.'' the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears.<ref>Robert W. Sarnoff</ref>

'''Fine:''' ''n.'' a tax for doing wrong as opposed to a tax, which is a fine for doing well.

'''Fish:''' ''n.'' is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.<ref>P. J. O'Rourke</ref>

'''Fishing:''' ''n.'' a venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Flashlight:''' ''n.'' a case for storing dead batteries and light bulbs.

'''Flattery:''' ''n.'' a gift-wrapped insult.

'''Flexibility:''' ''n.'' capacity to contradict your principles.<ref>Adapted from TV show, ''Yes Minister''</ref>

'''Flying:''' ''adj.'' is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.<ref>Douglas Adams</ref>

'''Food:''' ''n.''  an important part of a balanced diet.<ref>Fran Lebowitz</ref> 

'''Food chain:''' ''n.'' the vast hierarchy of predators, with plankton at the bottom and marketing executives at the top.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Fool:''' ''n.'' 1. a condition a man may not be aware of, until he is constantly reminded of it after marriage.<ref>Adapted from H. L. Mencken</ref>

'''Fool:''' ''n.'' 2. one who announces loudly that he doesn't suffer others like him gladly.

'''Foolproof:''' ''n.'' ideal that cannot be attained in the presence sufficiently talented fool.

'''Forgiveness:''' ''n.'' that which is inspired by revenge.<ref>Adapted from Scott Adams</ref>

'''Foundation grant:''' ''n.'' a bourgeois beneficence that enables unmarketable artists to continue expressing their contempt for bourgeois values.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''France:''' ''n.'' is like a great compass, which ever way they point to, go the complete opposite direction and you'll be fine.<ref>P. J. O'Rourke</ref>

'''Franchise:''' ''n.'' a form of business that aims at internationally spawning clones of itself for world domination, providing goods and services that are meticulously consistent in quality. Consistently bad.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Freedom:'''  ''n.'' 1. in the U.S., the sacred right to speak and act according to one's conscience, except when dealing with sensitive special-interest groups or militant Republican administrations. <ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Freedom:''' ''n.'' 2.  is a man's natural power of doing what he pleases, so far as he is not prevented by force or law.<ref>Marcus Tullius Cicero</ref> 

'''Freedom:'''  ''n.'' 3. what the U.S. frequently exports to developing nations, by force if necessary.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Freedom:''' ''n.'' 4. is the absence of choice.<ref>Traditional Sufi adage</ref>

'''French:''' ''n.'' a race of people who take perverse pleasure in designing car engines completely differently from the British.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Friend:''' ''n.''  1. is one who knows all about you, and still likes you.<ref>Elbert Hubbard</ref>

'''Friend:''' ''n.'' 2. is not necessarily one of the people you like best, but merely one of those who got there first.<ref>Adapted from Peter Ustinov</ref>

'''Friendless:''' ''n.'' addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.<ref>Adapted from, Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Fun:''' ''n.'' a form of enjoyment that advertising agencies would have you believe everyone, except yourself, is having.<ref> Tobias Reynolds quoted in the ''Chambers Gigglossary''</ref>

'''Fundamentalist:''' ''n.'' 1. a person self-imprisoned on a railway platform, who missed the train of life whilst arguing over really important things such as different interpretations of the station timetable.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2009</ref>

'''Fundamentalist:''' ''n.'' 2. in the US, one who is vehemently opposed to the suggestion of any hereditary descendence from an ape and yet behaves like one in matters of foreign policy.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Fundamentalist:''' ''n.'' 3. one whose fear of uncertainty extends to his fear of diversity.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Fundamentalist:''' ''n.'' 4. in the US, one who accepts a literal interpretation of 100% of the Bible apart from those sections where Jesus behaves like a danged socialist hippy.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>