Difference between revisions of "The Wickedictionary"
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'''Celebrity:''' ''n.'' someone who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.<ref>H. L. Mencken, ''A Mencken Chrestomathy'' (1949)</ref> | '''Celebrity:''' ''n.'' someone who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.<ref>H. L. Mencken, ''A Mencken Chrestomathy'' (1949)</ref> | ||
| − | '''Conscience:''' the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.<ref>H. L. Mencken, ''A Mencken Chrestomathy'' (1949)</ref> | + | '''Congratulation:''' ''n.'' the civility of envy.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref> |
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| + | '''Conscience:''' ''n.'' the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.<ref>H. L. Mencken, ''A Mencken Chrestomathy'' (1949)</ref> | ||
| + | |||
| + | Corporation, ''n.'' an ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref> | ||
'''Cynic:''' a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.<ref>H. L. Mencken, attributed.</ref> | '''Cynic:''' a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.<ref>H. L. Mencken, attributed.</ref> | ||
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'''Democracy:''' 3. is the pathetic belief in the wisdom of collective ignorance.<ref>H. L. Mencken, attributed.</ref> | '''Democracy:''' 3. is the pathetic belief in the wisdom of collective ignorance.<ref>H. L. Mencken, attributed.</ref> | ||
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| + | ==E== | ||
==F== | ==F== | ||
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==H== | ==H== | ||
| + | '''Happiness:''' ''n.'' An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref> | ||
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'''Hero:''' someone who is talented at getting other people killed.<ref>From the film ''Serenity''.</ref> | '''Hero:''' someone who is talented at getting other people killed.<ref>From the film ''Serenity''.</ref> | ||
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'''Lawyer:''' is one protects us against robbers by taking away the temptation.<ref>H. L. Mencken, ''A Mencken Chrestomathy'' (1949)</ref> | '''Lawyer:''' is one protects us against robbers by taking away the temptation.<ref>H. L. Mencken, ''A Mencken Chrestomathy'' (1949)</ref> | ||
| − | '''Love:''' 1. is the delusion that one woman differs from another.<ref>H. L. Mencken, attributed.</ref> | + | '''Logic:''' ''n.'' The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref> |
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| + | '''Love:''' 1. ''n.'' is the delusion that one woman differs from another.<ref>H. L. Mencken, attributed.</ref> | ||
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| + | '''Love:''' 2. ''n.'' is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.<ref>H. L. Mencken, attributed.</ref> | ||
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| + | '''Love:''' 3. ''n.'' is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref> | ||
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==M== | ==M== | ||
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==P== | ==P== | ||
| − | '''Patriotism:''' is the virtue of the vicious.<ref>Oscar Wilde.</ref> | + | '''Patience:''' ''n.'' a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref> |
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| + | '''Patriotism:''' ''n.'' is the virtue of the vicious.<ref>Oscar Wilde.</ref> | ||
| + | |||
| + | '''Philosophy:''' ''n.'' a route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref> | ||
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| + | '''Politeness:''' n.'' the most acceptable hypocrisy.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref> | ||
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| + | '''Politics:''' ''n.'' a strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref> | ||
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| + | '''Pray:''' '' v.'' to ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref> | ||
'''Puritanism:''' is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. <ref>H. L. Mencken, ''A Book of Burlesques'' (1916)</ref> | '''Puritanism:''' is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. <ref>H. L. Mencken, ''A Book of Burlesques'' (1916)</ref> | ||
Revision as of 22:51, 13 June 2009
The name wickedictionary is intended to be a play on the word wiktionary. The idea is to collect definitions of words like in a dictionary, except the definitions must be perverse in the style of Ambrose Bierce's the Devil's Dictionary. The idea is to modernize Ambrose Bierce and come up with a more contemporary and cutting-edge collection of definitions. Anyone is welcome to edit this page. If you do not have access, you are welcome to email me definitions. The idea is we don't have to necessarily agree with these definitions, but to merely enjoy them for the fun of it.
A
Absurdity: n. a statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.[1]
B
Banker: one who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.[2]
Bore: n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.[3]
C
Celebrity: n. someone who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.[4]
Congratulation: n. the civility of envy.[5]
Conscience: n. the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.[6]
Corporation, n. an ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.[7]
Cynic: a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.[8]
D
Democracy: 1. the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.[9]
Democracy: 2. is also a form of worship. It is the worship of jackals by jackasses.[10]
Democracy: 3. is the pathetic belief in the wisdom of collective ignorance.[11]
E
F
Faith: an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.[12]
H
Happiness: n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.[13]
Hero: someone who is talented at getting other people killed.[14]
History: a fable agreed upon. [15]
J
Jury: a group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health and business engagements, have failed to fool him.[16]
L
Lawyer: is one protects us against robbers by taking away the temptation.[17]
Logic: n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.[18]
Love: 1. n. is the delusion that one woman differs from another.[19]
Love: 2. n. is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.[20]
Love: 3. n. is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.[21]
M
Misogynist: a man who hates women as much as women hate one another.[22]
N
Newspaper: a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.[23]
P
Patience: n. a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.[24]
Patriotism: n. is the virtue of the vicious.[25]
Philosophy: n. a route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.[26]
Politeness: n. the most acceptable hypocrisy.[27]
Politics: n. a strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.[28]
Pray: v. to ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.[29]
Puritanism: is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. [30]
R
Remorse: regret that one waited so long to do it.[31]
S
Self-respect is the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.[32]
W
Wealth: any income that is at least $100 more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.[33]
References
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ Mark Twain, attributed.
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, attributed.
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, attributed.
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, attributed.
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, Prejudices (1922)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ From the film Serenity.
- ↑ Napoleon.
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, attributed.
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, attributed.
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ Oscar Wilde.
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Book of Burlesques (1916)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
