Difference between revisions of "The Wickedictionary"
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'''Remorse:''' ''n.'' regret that one waited so long to do it.<ref>H. L. Mencken, ''A Mencken Chrestomathy'' (1949)</ref> | '''Remorse:''' ''n.'' regret that one waited so long to do it.<ref>H. L. Mencken, ''A Mencken Chrestomathy'' (1949)</ref> | ||
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| + | '''Resolute:''' '''adj.''' obstinate in an approved manner. | ||
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Revision as of 00:02, 14 June 2009
The name wickedictionary is intended to be a play on the word wiktionary. The idea is to collect definitions of words like in a dictionary, except the definitions must be perverse in the style of Ambrose Bierce's the Devil's Dictionary. The idea is to modernize Ambrose Bierce and come up with a more contemporary and cutting-edge collection of definitions. Anyone is welcome to edit this page. If you do not have access, you are welcome to email me definitions. The idea is we don't have to necessarily agree with these definitions, but to merely enjoy them for making us think.
Contents
A
Absurdity: n. a statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.[1]
Assonance: n. a rhyme that has gone wrong. [2]
B
Banker: n. one who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.[3]
Bore: n. a person who talks when you wish him to listen.[4]
C
Celebrity: n. someone who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.[5]
Congratulation: n. the civility of envy.[6]
Conscience: n. the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.[7]
Corporation: n. an ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.[8]
Creativity: n. is knowing how to hide your sources.[9]
Cynic: n. a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.[10]
D
Democracy: n. 1. the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.[11]
Democracy: n. 2. is also a form of worship. It is the worship of jackals by jackasses.[12]
Democracy: n. 3. is the pathetic belief in the wisdom of collective ignorance.[13]
E
Education: n. is the thing that interferes with learning.[14]
F
Faith: n. an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.[15]
H
Happiness: n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.[16]
Hero: n. someone who is talented at getting other people killed.[17]
History: n. a fable agreed upon. [18]
I
Imitation: n. is the sincerest form of flattery. [19]
J
Jury: n. a group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health and business engagements, have failed to fool him.[20]
L
Lawyer: n. is one protects us against robbers by taking away the temptation.[21]
Life: n. is a sexually transmitted disease and invariably fatal. [22]
Logic: n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.[23]
Love: 1. n. is the delusion that one woman differs from another.[24]
Love: 2. n. is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.[25]
Love: 3. n. is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.[26]
M
Misogynist: n. a man who hates women as much as women hate one another.[27]
N
Newspaper: a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.[28]
P
Patience: n. a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.[29]
Patriotism: n. is the virtue of the vicious.[30]
Philosophy: n. a route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.[31]
Politeness: n. the most acceptable hypocrisy.[32]
Politics: n. a strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.[33]
Pray: v. to ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.[34]
Puritanism: n. is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. [35]
R
Remorse: n. regret that one waited so long to do it.[36]
Resolute: adj. obstinate in an approved manner.
S
Selfish: adj. devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.[37]
Self-respect: n. is the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.[38]
Success: n. the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.[39]
W
War: n. is where truth is the first casualty. [40]
War: n. is young men dying and old men talking. [41]
Wealth: n. any income that is at least $100 more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.[42]
Z
Zeal: n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goes before a sprawl.[43]
References
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ Adapted from Willy Russell's play Educating Rita
- ↑ Mark Twain, attributed.
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ Albert Einstein
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, attributed.
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, attributed.
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, attributed.
- ↑ Albert Einstein
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, Prejudices (1922)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ From the film Serenity.
- ↑ Napoleon.
- ↑ Charles Caleb Colton
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ Adapted from, Neil Gaiman, Death Talks About Life.
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, attributed.
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, attributed.
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ Oscar Wilde.
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Book of Burlesques (1916)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
- ↑ Adapted from Aeschylus
- ↑ From the film Troy (2004).
- ↑ H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- ↑ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
